It was completely dark, which tends to be typical when I’m in a rough
state of mind. The only light illuminating any part of my room was coming from
the screen of my near ancient MacBook Pro. I laid extended on my couch
scrolling through the internet, looking for nothing in particular, just aiming
to distract my mind from all that was weighing me down, for what has seemed
like every moment of the past year, and all that continued to seep in from the
20 years of life beforehand.
Sara had sent me an album to listen to on Spotify, so I used that as
filler music, to help redirect my thoughts, but it was no use; I couldn’t help
but drift elsewhere mentally as I always do. As I lay there thinking about my
life growing up, the sermon Scott preached at Discovery this morning, family,
and God’s call for my life, a scripture managed to squeeze through:
“…Everyone
to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they
entrusted much, they will demand the more.” (Luke 12:48)
It’s rather common, and an extremely well known piece of scripture,
but you know those times when Jesus’ words seem to transform into a hand, and they
reach into the recesses of your mind, grab hold of that light switch of
understanding, that is covered in cobwebs because you never even knew that it
was there, so you never bothered to even glance that direction, and he turns it
on, and the words that you heard so many times, you see in a completely new
light and it is exactly what you needed to hear in that moment? Well, that
happened to me (maybe not literally, but Jesus-words hand is kind of a cool
picture…to me anyways).
In that moment, I began to think of that verse, as well as my life.
For some reason I seemed to always view that verse in the future tense, or at least
in the moment preceding. You know, like the whole thought process of when you
get to the top, it’s harder to stay there than it was to get up in the first
place? Yet somehow, although it was staring me in the face, I managed not to have
given a thought to the initial climb.
Let me explain, I haven’t had
the most difficult life in the world, but my life has not been any sort of easy
either. As this scripture was put on my mind the thought crossed that if I have
indeed been called to what I believe I have been (Planting a Church &
Pastoring it), which is undoubtedly a difficult and high calling, then the
storms that I have weathered, the wars that I have walked through, could
possibly be part of what is required of me, in order to equip me.
Considering God is outside of time, he knows all that ever was, as
well as all that ever will be. He is sovereign, so from the beginning, he has
known where he would call my life, he has known my heart, he has known my
passion and drive from the get – go, and he has known every second of hell that
I would walk through from birth, to present and beyond.
He gave me my call, and for it, much has been required of me from the
start. Not saying that he forced the evils in my life, but he used them, and is
using them, in his plan, so that his glory may shine through.
My best friend Hunter said something to me last night that has lingered
in my head when discussing struggles that I have been through: “I only think
that they make you stronger, that they make you a better leader. I wouldn’t
want to be led by anyone who hasn’t been through the struggles.”
God has given me a substantial amount of influence where I currently
am in my life, I am fully aware of that, and I don’t see that influence
lessening any time soon, unless he so wills it, but in entrusting me with
leadership in the body currently, and potentially in the future, I have to be
equipped.
I think about the movie 300, when
Leonidas is young and sent out into the wilderness to see if he has what it
takes to be a Spartan soldier. He’s standing alone, atop a mountain covered in
snow, in the dead of night, face to face with a wolf twice his size (I admit,
the giant CG wolf was a little much), and probably just as hungry as he was. He
backs away slowly as the wolf slowly moves towards him, then he stops, sets his
feet and, I imagine, he looks to the reward of what it means to survive, what
it means to be a Spartan soldier, a Spartan King even, and he grips his spear
firmly and thrusts it straight through the mouth of the wolf into its head.
It paints a great comparison for the struggles of this life. The wolf
is all of the hardships that I have stood against in my life, and I stand
there, spear in hand in the middle of the storm, battered and bruised, having
to make the decision if I will let this be the end, or will I look to what is
so much greater beyond this hardship? Will I stand firm and spear this wolf,
just like all the ones of the past, or cower down and be eaten alive?
And so looking at the current struggles of my life, even though I feel
like I’m getting punched in the face daily, and even knowing that past this
struggle, in the place of my calling, the place I am entrusted to, that the
people who have trusted me with that position, will demand even more of me, I
will indeed stand firm and I will spear this wolf, and stand before whatever
else may present itself in the future – because I know I have what it takes…because
Jesus thinks that I have what it takes.
His word stands true, that even when I’m faithless, he is faithful.
I’ll leave you with this:
Not only that, but we rejoice in our
sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance
produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not
put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5, ESV)
Be watchful, stand firm in the
faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13,
ESV)
Grace & Peace
